My blog entries follow the same sporatic pattern as my own journal entries...very few and far between. Which I hate! I'm a writer...I LOVE to write. But I guess there are always a million and one excuses why I don't do it often enough. Besides...these blog entries are really not intended to be some literary pieces of work but more so a glimpse into my sometimes crazy, sometimes pathetically boring life. And I just plain don't mind sharing (because I highly doubt anyone actually reads this thing anyway).
I was having brunch with a very close friend the other day. We were discussing life, relationships, and my non-existent love life. As I rattled off all the reasons why I'm such a "good catch" and how I can't understand why no one seems interested, my dear friend made a comment that hit me like a ton of bricks...."Kel, you come off unavailable." I was ready with a swift rebuttal but stopped short because I then wondered if there was truth to her statement. Could I be coming off as unavailable to the small pool of gents I have encountered thus far?
I've been stewing over this new information for days. What does it mean to be "unavailable"? What does that look like? And how do I avoid it? I most certainly don't want to be that girl that comes off needy, annoying and desperate. Guys can't want that, right? And although some people would maybe see me as confident, I think that just comes from age. I'm 34 now. I've lived and learned and I know who I am. But I'm also insecure about dozens of things. I don't think I evoke this tough, unapproachable exterior. At least I hope not!!
I'm not a wide-eyed inncoent 22 year old, right out of college, looking for the proverbial "Mr. Right" to sweep me off my feet, take me to Neverland, and leave rose petals on the bed every night. I just want something real. Great companionship & friendship, realistic romance, laughter, adventure, a mutual passion for & commitment to the Lord and a desire to challenge each other as we grow old together. BUT...that's not exactly the kind of thing you come right out and say after meeting someone new. Not within the first five minutes, at least. And unfortunately, other than initial introductions in group settings, I haven't had many opportunities for those follow up conversations.
As progressed, experienced (and I mean that as purely as possible) and open-minded as I am, I'm still kind of old-fashioned. I mean, I would just love someone to ask me out on a date. In this social media-laden world of texting, Facebooking, Instagraming and Twittering, everything feels so impersonal. Just dial my number and ask me out. I will more than likely say yes.
So what is the right formula? The perfect balance between available but not desperate? Approachable but not needy? Intouch with my emotions and sensitive side but not a basket case? Well, I just don't know. I guess the bottom line is that I have NO idea what men want. I thought I knew, but clearly the jury has turned it a very different verdict.
In the event that someone actually does read this blog, I am ALL ears! Chime in...
