Two months and counting...

So it's been a couple of months now...two months of living in the big city of Chicago. Two months of walking up and down Clark Street, stopping at Trader Joe's for that special coffee I love so much. Two months of avoiding Molly's Cupcakes as often as humanly possible. Two months of hauling groceries up to my 18th floor apartment. And I can say with certainty that this is exactly where I am supposed to be, right now, at this very moment in my life.

All of the daydreams and wishful thinking, the "what if's" and "if I ever's", have led to this very moment. I was definitely not on the "move-to-the-city-in-your-thirties" track, but when life hands you lemonade...well, you know. So, here I am. Living on the 18th floor of the Fullerton Parkway Towers appreciating this magnificant view of city lights below. Sometimes I just stare out my window, wondering where all the miniature figures are going to in such a hurry. Hailing cabs, waiting at bus stops, walking here and there...each one with their own unique story. And I am quickly reminded that I, too, have a story. A new one that I am writing for my life.

It's really amazing to me just how remarkable God is. Even writing that seems like a very lack lustre way of describing how I feel. So, I'll try to explain it better. A little over a year ago, as my divorce was being finalized and I was looking ahead to what life might look like in the coming months and years, my sister Lisa would often do this thing where she'd tell me what she thought my future would look like. And it would sound something like this..."Okay, first you're going to get a great new job. Then you'll move to the city and find a great little apartment in a great little neighborhood. Then, you'll start going to Harvest (as in Harvest Bible Chapel) and someone will hear you sing. And then they'll ask you to be a part of the worship team..." And it went on from there.

And the remarkable part is that so far, every single one of those things has happened. In that order! It leaves me in awe, speechless, so overwhelmed with God's love for me. Because there is no mistaking that it is God who has orchestrated and ordained every last detail. I remember that I used to laugh when my sister would play "this is your life" and I would think to myself "Oh, wow...that would all be so fantastic and great, but could that really happen? Would that really happen?" And it did!

I am so encouraged to see what other things come to pass. I know what's next on my sister's checklist for my life but I'll spare the juicy details until I see them come true. =) At the start of this journey, I was so inspired by the words and insight of Donald Miller, in several of his books. And it's so nice to look back on the last two years and realize that I have, with God leading the way, made a conscious decision to change the course of my life, taken Don's words to heart, and started writing a better story for my life.

I am two months and counting and I continue to write my story.

Manton Avenue Musings Part II

I thought it only fitting to share this evening's musical inspiration. Not that anyone actually reads this blog of mine...but if you do, lady or gent, this is Andrew Belle.


http://youtu.be/ymJvCqECR44      

Manton Avenue Musings

From the cozy recliner of my sister's living room, I am relishing the beautiful sounds of Andrew Belle and recounting the details of the last few weeks of my life. Three weeks ago, I stepped onto a plane headed for Philadelphia. I wasn't quite sure what to expect when I arrived but I knew that this would be one of those days that would signify the moment in my life where I finally pushed through the paralysis of fearing the unknown and took a leap of faith. Starting a new job isn't necessarily the most "adventurous" thing a person can do, but for this girl, it was a big step. And it's not just the new job. It's the travel across the country, the move to Chicago and the vulnerability of making myself more visible musically. It's doing things that are totally uncomfortable and unfamiliar to me.

Not everything is uncomfortable or unfamiliar though. Some things are so welcome and wonderful and everything I've ever wanted. I'm feeling challenged and changed. Pursued and positioned. Interested and intrigued. I'm thrilled to see where it all leads. And so I'm taking it as it comes to me...one day at a time, one challenge at a time, one beautiful adventure at a time. I am meeting the most captivating people on this journey. I feel like each person is a character in this life story that I'm writing. People are everything I had hoped they would be and nothing that I thought they would be. Each character is telling me their own incredible story through their music, adventures, their art and hospitality. It gives me hope and inspiration and a desire to push myself to reach beyond the ordinary.

This is really just the prelude of my journey. There is still so much more to be lived, learned and fulfilled. I reflect as I go. Mostly out of disbelief and awe at the beauty of change and second chances. But also because reflection is a wonderful catalyst for growth. I want to learn, grow, change, reflect, respond, and look back at life 50 years from now with no further regret but contentment at a life lived to its fullest potential.

Reflections from Room 222

I'm sitting alone in my hotel room at the Town & Suites Hotel in Horsham, PA. I've almost completed a full week of training for my new position with GMAC Mortgage as the HOPE Community Relations Specialist for Chicago. Tonight is the first "down" night my teammates and I have had since our whirlwind week began here in Philadelphia a few days ago. What a contrast in my emotions from Sunday evening, as I sat in the Philadelphia airport baggage claim waiting to meet my travel/training companions for the next two weeks, to now. In this moment, I feel relieved. I made it through the first week (just about). My teammates are a great bunch of people. We've already bonded over beer and inside jokes. We are all embarking on a new adventure. Each of us are in different places in our lives and in the country, but we all have this desire for something new, exciting and challenging.  

Next week will bring a new set of challenges and things to tackle. But I think I'm ready for it. I hope I am. I have that feeling in my chest...the one that feels kind of tight and expansive and pulsing all at the same time. I'm pretty sure we classify that feeling as Hope (yes, I am a HOPE rep, but no pun intended here). I am hopeful about the things to come; the experiences that I will embark on in the next few months, maybe the next few years. I am excited about the people I will meet and things I will get to do. I can't even picture what it all looks like yet, but I welcome the adventure with open arms.

The next few weeks I will spend adjusting to my new job and very soon, to my new apartment in Chicago. Til the next hotel room and the next set of reflections, these are mine from Room 222 ...

Smiles, Sounds & Sunshine Eleven

 What a wonderful summer full of adventure!! From multiple road trips to see Civil Twilight, the annual Smith Family Reunion, opportunities to sing, making new friends from around the country and planning the next steps of my story, this summer has been a whirlwind of opportunity and experiences. I am loving every minute and every new adventure. I know that embarking on a new chapter in my story means saying goodbye to people and places that have been so supportive to me over the last several years. And I hope that these people and places will understand that this is just a part of my journey and a necessary step in writing a better story for my life...the story I am supposed to live. "We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps," Proverbs 16:9. So, I'm trusting, hoping, planning and living!

Here are just a few snapshots from my fabulous summer...

When the Lights Go Down...

When the sun has set and the music fades,
when the lights have gone down and you've cleared the stage,
what speaks to your heart and makes you move?
What whispers into your soul to soothe?
Who do you see yourself to be; who is it that you want to see?
Where is home and all that connects to the deepest parts of your inner self?
When you rest your head and close your eyes, when you dream of a life beyond tonight,
when the lights go down and the music fades, will you still be you; will I still be me?

Wait for me...

Wait for me...when the sun is bright, when the clouds roll in or the moon is high.

Wait for me...when resolve grows weak, when my heart is still, when I cannot speak.

Wait for me...when the air is cold, when I say goodbye, when I'm feeling bold.

Wait for me...when I just can't be, when I walk away, when I turn to leave.

Wait for me...when I don't return, when I let you go, when I never learn.

My own reminder

I switched over to a new blog page very recently, having changed my last name and all. Who knew that by simply trying to make a "g" and "s" I'd have to make a completely new blog page? I probably don't have to but being that I am not the most technically savvy individual, this is how I resolved my little situation.

Anyway...I was reading through some of my old blog posts and came across a paragraph that I had written last fall. I remember being in somewhat of a dark place; dealing with the internal demons and insecurities of some of my decisions and the emotional fallout of a failed relationship. And while my life is much less complicated these days, it was a nice reminder to myself that there is beauty from the ashes of our lives. So I thought I would repost that paragraph as a reminder to me, and maybe an encouragement to anyone who may eventually read this little blog page of mine.

"And at the moment of awakening you are struck with a liberating realization....I am simply a human being. I am flawed, broken, rejected, lonely & insecure. But I am also restored, forgiven, redeemed, loved, desired, valued, never alone, & full of worth and promise."

To everything turn, turn, turn...

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war; and a time of peace.